Seeking Answers

The mysteries of life are to be pondered, thought about, twisted around in ones mind and regurgitated.  As I was growing up I always wondered why "I" had to be the weird kid.  Many of my friends today would not believe this but I really did not naturally like lots and lots of people, talking or trying unfamiliar things.  The natural order in my life pretty well calculated and catered to my aloneness.  My maiden name started with the letter "Y" placing me always at the back of the line, in the back of the classroom or in any event that took place that required order, the last to be called upon.  So when you add all this up, last to be born, end of the alphabet, and being shy, it doesn't quite work out to what I am today.  Today, I so enjoy meeting new people, don't mind being singled out and enjoy trying many new things.

When the Bible says you become a new creature in Christ and old things pass away and all things become new, it literally means it.  As a child I struggled with my identity, trying on, hiding behind or running away from many IDs but continued to always be looking for, crying out for answers of why I felt this pain lodged so deep inside my heart. Cookies, pretty things, romance books, being alone, having crushes on boys, the desire to be noticed, just wanting to fit in, or at the very least not to be the weirdo kid that had to wears skirts and have a  mom that wore a funny looking dress and hat, where just substitutes of something I knew was missing.  But what was I missing?

The earliest memory in my life that I can remember is waking up from a nap and seeing strangers standing in my bedroom surrounding my bed and pointing at me.  Some people today might say they where aliens or angles but I still to this day remember I was struck to my core with fear.  The one question swimming in my head at the time and putting my little body on full alert was "Where is my mom?"  Just so you all don't think my mother was an unfit mother, I came to find out later that the strangers in my room where with her and they where looking at the house to see if they wanted to rent it and I was suppose to be napping.  To me my mother meant safety and that nobody would hurt me.  In a perfect world parents are part of a child's life representing safety, security and unconditional love but in this world of sin those relationships can get turned around, abused and just plain distorted. Even at the young age of two my perfect world view was distorted but my little mind was still seeking. Seeking answers to questions that would one day turn my upside down life right side up, putting it into perfect order!

Sitka sits in the Tlingit native tribe territory known as modern day southeast Alaska. Tlingit is pronounced as Klinkit. I recently visited the Sitka National Historical Park and viewed some totem poles.  The tribe just raised one in the past year which you can tell by the brightness of the painting.

Listed below are reasons why they make and raise totem poles accourding to the Sitka National Historical Park website http://www.nps.gov/sitk/historyculture/totem-poles.htm

• Crest poles give the ancestry of particular family.
• History poles record the history of a clan.
• Legend poles illustrate folklore or real life experiences.
• Memorial poles commemorate a particular individual.

http://www.indians.org/articles/tlingit-art.html  more info on the tribe if interested.